A Day in the Life of a (Satirical) Beauty Blogger

Hello readers!

I’ve decided to do something a little different with this post…instead of reviewing unique beauty products that I have acquired from friends, such as wax ears, I will be writing about a day in the life of a beauty blogger! The special day I am writing about is Sunday, July 24th, 2016, to be precise.

Morning: Wake up in the morning, feeling like P-Diddy  quite groggy, around 9:00 am. My parents came up to visit me for half the day (with groceries!), so I had to set an alarm, because I was afraid I would over-sleep otherwise.  Brushed my teeth, used the toilet, ate breakfast, changed out of my pajamas and did other typical morning things.

Late Lunch (~2:30 pm): I ate udon noodles with a Chinese vegetable that I don’t know the name of in English. It’s a leafy green vegetable with some purple on it (someone help a sister out please?). My parents then left Waterloo, to drive back home while I continued eating noodles. I’m pretty sure I ate a croissant after the noodles as well because of how late this lunch was.

Afternoon: Spent a few hours in the afternoon writing a take home, international tax exam. I submitted it later that night because at that point, I had spent about 12 hours on it over the past three days, was ready to be done with it. After reading the past three paragraphs, I have come to the realization that my life isn’t incredibly exciting. You have probably also come to the very same realization.

Evening: Ah now onto the exciting part of the day! My friend, Stephanie Lau, had a free Menchies coupon that entitled her to one, free small bowl of frozen yogurt and assorted toppings. So we went HAM and piled up the small bowl. To make an informed froyo decision, I had to sample all of the flavours at Menchies, but almost every time I tried using the sample cup (probably about the size of the top half of your thumb but a bit wider…those tiny paper cups you make jello shots in), way too much froyo would come out of the machine and it would be a froyo mess. One of the many trials and tribulations of getting frozen yogurt at Menchies. And this was only Part I of the great froyo struggle. 

Part II of the great froyo struggle: Steph and I like different flavours of froyo. I like the fruity flavours at Menchies, while Steph enjoys weird shit like “tart” (seriously, what the hell is tart). We had to segregate these flavours in the bowl, which apparently became a two-person job. One of us pulled down on the lever that dispensed the froyo while the other was in charge of bowl rotation. Once we got this sorted out, we put on a whole variety of tasty toppings from strawberries to a Nanaimo bar. I think if we tried putting on anything else, it would have just fallen out of the bowl…

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Free frozen yogurt has never tasted so good (although this was the first time I ate free froyo though, so not much of a comparison can be made…)

Nighttime: Once we finished the frozen yogurt, we walked back to Steph’s apartment for some serious nail art action. She painted corgis on my nails!!!!! But later that evening, despite my best efforts, I managed to smudge two corgis 😦

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Still considering hand-modeling. The pinky and thumb have a paw-print design on them while the rest of them are corgi faces! 

Then I got really giddy (maybe it was because of all the blue raspberry froyo I ate) and insisted on trying to do Steph’s makeup. She was not impressed.

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Lipstick is hard to put on other people. I swear I can put it on my own face perfectly fine. 

Not shown above (unfortunately): I was using Steph’s eyebrow pencil. She already has eyebrows so I tried giving her a unibrow because I didn’t know what else to do. And about 1/3 of the way in, Steph realised what I was doing, recoiled in fear and did not let me finish. She got a little upset, so I asked, “what about a mustache?” You can probably guess what her answer was.

Before leaving, I got to choose between two soaps to take back home with me (Steph also told me to take an eyebrow pencil but I politely informed her that I already had eyebrows). It took me ten minutes to decide between these two scents: energizing lime or strawberry vanilla. So did I want to smell like a Mojito or strawberry shortcake?  I wanted to smell like a Mojito. But it was not an easy decision. It took an entire ten minutes to decide because I am very indecisive.

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I kept unscrewing the caps to smell them. 

Sleep: After choosing between the two soaps, I walked back to my apartment, showered, brushed my teeth, flossed (dental hygiene is very important and I take pride in the fact that I floss daily),  and went to bed.

And that wraps up my day! The first half really was not relevant to being a beauty blogger at all…in fact, if you are serious about beauty blogging, I advise against taking International Tax (ACC 610) as it was a huge time suck and a poorly organized course. And it contained no helpful tips about beauty blogging whatsoever. But do make time to see your parents, even if you are busy with beauty blogging. Especially if they bring you groceries.

So despite my current beauty blogging success, I still lead a pretty normal student life. After all, I’m no hero. I put my bra on, one boob at a time, like everyone else.

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Wax Ears That Do Not Function as Soap

Hello everyone!

This week, I will be reviewing wax ears (literally, wax in the shape of ears), that I tried using as soap.

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Pretty ear-like, if I do say so myself.

The story behind why I have wax ears in the first place:

My roommate, Matt, has a friend who pays $20 CAD on a monthly basis, to receive boxes of random, miscellaneous items. I’m not sure what company this is from specifically, and I think Matt is playing video games with his cousin so I don’t want to interrupt. He’s a very busy man. Why anyone would want to pay $20 to receive random, useless crap, is beyond me, but to each their own. Anyways, one of the miscellaneous items happened to be a necklace of wax ears. Matt’s friend gave him the necklace and Matt randomly showed it to me one day when we were hanging out in the apartment.

At first, Matt said that the ears are actually supposed to be soap, but he feels weird using wax ears to cleanse himself. So I decided to test it out for myself, and used the ears to wash my hands. That turned out to be a mistake. It smelled really strange (kind of like earwax?) and my hands did not feel any cleaner. If anything, they felt less clean afterwards.

When I told Matt about this unpleasant experience, his response was “oh, maybe they aren’t soap then. I don’t know.”

I am confirming that these wax ears are indeed, not soap. They are just wax ears.

I have no idea what to do with the wax ears. Maybe wear them around as a fashion accessory? See below for wax ear glamour shots.

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Yes ladies, he is single.

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Who wore it better? Wax ears edition.

Rating: As soap, this product deserves a negative rating. -14/10. In fact, it probably did the exact opposite as what soap is actually supposed to do and this is coming from a soap expert, based on my prior blog posts. On the other hand, they are a solid 10/10, for being wax ears.  And a 4/10 for being a fashion accessory…but I’m not very fashionable, so what do I know. They might actually be a 12/10 and featured in this year’s New York Fashion Week (pictures from last year’s New York Fashion Week shown below, with some artistic liberties/much needed improvements).

Model 1

Aha I knew something was missing from his outfit.

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It looks like he slathered lotion onto himself before leaving for work in the morning and forgot to do everything else. Like put on pants. I don’t get fashion.

Photos taken from a BBC article. Photos altered by me, using MS Paint.

My Recommendation: I really don’t know why anyone would want to own a necklace of wax ears.

I tried thinking of some sort of conclusion for this blog post, but it’s 11:23 pm and I am very tired. So this will do. Thanks for reading everyone!

 

 

Peeling Face Mask and Eyebrow-Induced Panic

A few weeks ago, I tried a peeling face mask for the first time. And made sure to take picture AND video footage of this monumental (and fear inducing) event (y’all are in for a TREAT). More on the fear inducing part below, to keep you hooked.

The face mask I tried was the Passion Peel Off by 7th Heaven, as shown in the picture below (top packet). The other packet in the picture below is 7th Heaven’s Cucumber Peel Off mask, which Lil’ Stephanie Lau used. This post will only comment on the Passion Peel.

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Also featured in this picture: my pajama pants.

I even followed the rigorous five step process at the back of the packet, but I somehow only managed to take a picture of steps 3 to 5. Step 1 was “Rinse face” and step 2 was “Apply mask”, based on my somewhat reliable memory and the photos and videos I have, documenting this journey. This post is a bit longer because of the intense and intricate documentation of the five-step process.

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Ah perhaps not my best photo taken…Not sure why half of it is cut off.

Step 1: Rinse face 

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I can’t remember why I’m wearing that angel headband. Just bear with me and roll with it.

Step 2: Apply mask (and hope your eyebrows don’t peel off)

Apparently you’re not suppose to put peeling masks on your eyebrows. I learned this right after putting the peeling mask on my eyebrows. And then panicked because I thought my eyebrows were going to peel off. I had an important interview the next day and the possibility of losing your already barely-existent eyebrows is much scarier, the day before an interview. But it’s really not ideal on any day. I was actually prepared to barter with the eyebrow gods, and plead “so can I have my eyebrows tomorrow for the interview, in exchange for going eyebrow-less for three consecutive post-interview days?”

Anyways, the lesson learned and divulged here: DO NOT APPLY FACE MASK ON EYEBROWS!

Stephanie did offer though to come over every morning and draw eyebrows on me until they grew back though so I could have had drawn-on eyebrows for a few weeks…or however long it takes for eyebrows to grow back.

*insert video here*

So I realised while writing this post, that I can’t actually upload any videos because I have the free version of WordPress (what kind of pissing tree is this?!) But here’s a summary of the video I was going to upload: I spread the face mask over my face in a thick-ish layer, the mask didn’t really smell like Passion Fruit, and I panicked about my eyebrows.

Step 3: Relax 

It was hard to relax for an entire 25 minutes because my entire face felt tight (like it had been working out), and I was afraid my eyebrows would peel off. Nonetheless, I trudged through the unbearable 25 minutes and managed to take a few selfies while at it.

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Looking real relaxed with Lil’ Stephers (on the right). The few selfies we took just looked like blurry variations of this one. 

Here are some other comments and thoughts I had during this time:

  • It feels cold, is this normal?
  • My face feels like its solidifying
  • Can I eat during this time?

Step 4: Peel 

This felt really liberating.

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Passion fruit is the pink one, and cucumber is the green one. 

Step 5: Relax 

Phew eyebrows still on face.

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You can’t buy swag. But apparently you can buy wax ears (more to come on these in a future post). 

That was probably a roller coaster of emotion for everyone, reading about this journey. And if it wasn’t, just be glad your eyebrows are still on your face and you didn’t have any reason to think otherwise.

My roommate Tori (you can find out more about her in the prior blog post), even conducted a post-peel interview.

Tori: How does it smell like?

Me: It smells like machinery, kinda chemically.

Tori: What emotions does it evoke?

Me: Fear and worry for my eyebrows.

Tori: How often do you see yourself doing this?

Me: Not very often.

Final thought: I’m not sure if it helped or not. I didn’t feel a lot of changes after this one mask. Apparently face masks are supposed to”help hydrate skin, remove excess oils and help improve the appearance of your pores. They’re also an excellent way to help pull out impurities.” – Google search of “purpose of a face mask”. Well, I’m sure at least one of those objectives was achieved with this face mask (but unsure about which one). The face mask felt strange. Kind of cool, but strange. Not sure if I would do this again. But you know what they say (or at least what Miley Cyrus Justin Bieber says: Never say Never. 

Yeah…I thought the song was actually written and sang by Miley Cyrus but a quick Google search sure proved me wrong.

Till next post, friends! Thanks for reading today!